There is no easy way to deal with the loss of someone you love. We know that grief is different for everyone, and many have a difficult time coping with death. For some, this can result in complicated grief, which can prevent them from dealing with the death in healthy ways. 

What is complicated grief?  We’ll take a closer look and examine ways in which it differs from “typical” grief.

What Is Complicated Grief? 

Complicated grief is an intense, long-lasting type of grief that is so strong it can be debilitating. Complicated grief often lasts for more than a year and dramatically impacts someone’s ability to function. 

Complicated grief is most often seen after the death of someone extremely close, like a parent, child, spouse or romantic partner. 

According to the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies, about 2% to 3% of the world’s population is affected by complicated grief. It impacts roughly 7% to 10% of bereaved people. 

What Makes Complicated Grief Different? – 5 Ways

1. Complicated grief generally goes on for well over a year

There is no timeline for grieving. The process is highly individualized, and the journey is unique for each person. However, for most people, the pain becomes more bearable as time passes. 

For those with complicated grief, this pain remains incredibly intense with no respite, often lasting for a year or more.

2. Complicated grief makes it difficult to complete day-to-day tasks

In the initial stages of grief, it’s challenging to go through the activities of daily living. You likely won’t feel like cooking, cleaning or taking a shower. In many cases, this is to be expected after experiencing a devastating loss. 

However, in complicated grief, this inability to function continues and may even grow in intensity. It can last for years, often escalating to the point that the person is no longer able to care for themselves. 

3. Those with complicated grief may experience extreme sadness or depression.

Sadness and depression are, to an extent, a normal part of the grieving process. But when these become all-consuming and you are unable to find any pleasure in the activities you used to enjoy for several years, then you may be experiencing complicated grief.

4. Intense focus on reminders of the loved one.

Again, to a certain extent, it’s normal to want to keep and value reminders of your loved one. Jewelry, letters and even certain clothes may bring a sense of comfort when you first experience your loss. 

Those with complicated grief become fixated–and perhaps even obsessed–with items that remind them of their loved one. 

5. Those with complicated grief may have difficulty coping with death.

Often, those with complicated grief may be in denial about their loss, becoming numb or detached.

What Are the Signs Someone Is Experiencing Complicated Grief?

While the signs of grief and complicated grief share many similarities, there are also distinct differences. We’ve reviewed some of these earlier, but let’s take another look at the following signs that someone is experiencing complicated grief:

• Intense thoughts and emotions about the loss, often to the point that you can barely function in daily life.
• Denial about the loss. Or, you may experience the opposite and become obsessed with reminders of the loss.
• Loss of purpose and failure to find pleasure in activities you once enjoyed.
• Loss of appetite
• Sleep issues–either sleeping too much or experiencing insomnia 
• In certain cases, complicated grief can cause suicidal thoughts

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988. If you believe you or someone you know is in danger of harming themselves, call 911.

Complicated Grief Therapy Is Vital To Help You Cope With Your Loss

Need more resources about grief care? Just speak to us—we’ll provide access to grief counseling and let you know where you can get more information about complicated grief therapy. 

Are There Specific Types of Loss That Make Complicated Grief More Likely?

Yes, certain situations and types of loss make it more likely that you’ll develop a deeper level of complicated grief. We’ve outlined a few below.

• Unexpected deaths–particularly if by suicide or an accident–can be especially traumatic, placing you at greater risk of developing complicated grief. 
• In addition, you’re more likely to experience complicated grief if the deceased was someone in your immediate family or someone extremely close to you. 
• If you were involved in the trauma of the death (For example, if you were in the car with them when they had an accident), it can create complicated grief.
• If you face mental health challenges such as anxiety or depression, you may be more likely to develop complicated grief after a serious loss.

How Long Is “Too Long” for Grieving?

There is no one set date when grieving is officially “over.” On some level, you may grieve the loss of a loved one for your entire life. 

What is most important is not the length of time, but rather how you are coping with your loss. It’s vital to find healthy ways to deal with grief, and often working with one of our certified grief counselors can be key to helping you. 

As you continue on your journey through grief through healthy coping mechanisms, you will be able to function in everyday life, and your feelings of loss—while still present—will likely decrease in intensity.

However, for those in complicated grief, the grieving process can go on for several years with no relief in intensity.

What Is Prolonged Grief Disorder?

While we’ve mentioned that there is no timeline on grief, when it is not managed correctly, you could develop prolonged grief disorder.

In this disorder, the intense pain of grief does not diminish with time, causing problems so severe that it is impossible to function in everyday life. Some symptoms of prolonged grief disorder include:

Those with prolonged grief disorder may be so profoundly affected by their grief that they are unable to function.

3HC Is Here for You During Your Grieving Process

At 3HC, we have a deep respect for your grieving process. We will never impose a timeline on your process, but we will also provide hopeful guidance if you believe you may be developing complicated grief.

Our grief care services offer both grief support groups and opportunities for individual support through a Bereavement Care Team member. Together, we can provide the emotional support you need to help you process your loss.

In addition, 3HC also offers a monthly newsletter and follow-up phone calls to assist those who have lost someone dear to them. 

Want to know more about how our family can help care for yours? Contact us.