When you lose a loved one who played a major role in your life, grief can affect you in ways you weren’t expecting. The ripple effects, known as secondary losses in grief, can influence the other parts of your life connected to that person – from daily routines to finances to future plans. This can often lead to feelings of sadness, loneliness and uncertainty for a long while after your loved one passes. 

In this article, we’ll help you understand what secondary loss is, highlight common examples of this kind of loss and share healthy ways to cope. 

We understand that grief doesn’t follow a specific timeline and that it affects everyone differently. At 3HC, we offer both bereavement support groups and individual support to help you understand and process grief at your own pace. We invite you to get in touch with us to learn more about our grief care services. 

What Are Secondary Losses in Grief?

Losing a loved one is considered a primary loss, while additional losses you experience as a result – such as the loss of companionship, financial security or daily routines – are known as secondary losses.

Secondary does not mean less painful or important, rather, it describes losses that come in the aftermath of the original loss of your loved one.

Secondary losses can be challenging for several reasons:

• You understand the pain of losing a loved one, but you may not be expecting the changes that happen after your original loss. 
• These changes may not become noticeable right away, but may occur gradually over weeks, months or years.
• Secondary losses can create recurring waves of grief long after the primary loss.
• Friends and family may not understand the secondary loss you’re experiencing in the same way they recognize the death.

What Are Common Examples of Secondary Losses?

Secondary losses can manifest differently depending on the person. Common examples of secondary losses may include:

• Loss of companionship and daily routines. Conversations, shared meals and everyday practices you once shared with your loved one are often the kind of ordinary moments you miss the most.
• Changes in relationships and support systems. You may find that friends and family become more distant after your loss because they don’t feel comfortable discussing grief or don’t know how best to support you. This can leave you feeling abandoned when you most need support.
• Loss of identity. You may feel challenged by no longer having an identity as a husband, wife, partner, parent or other role you closely identified with when your loved one was still alive. You may have difficulty adjusting to your “new normal.”
• Loss of financial stability and security. If the person you lost provided income, caregiving, household management or other forms of support, new financial responsibilities and other stressors can compound your grief. 
• Loss of future plans and expectations. It’s normal to grieve the future you expected to have, including holidays, family traditions, vacations, retirement plans, milestones and other meaningful moments.
• Loss of purpose or belonging. You may feel uncertain about your new role among family and friends, have difficulty finding direction, or experience loss of faith or sense of security. 

Who is Most Likely to Experience Secondary Loss?

Anyone who loses a loved one who was central to their daily lives can experience secondary loss, including:

• Spouses and long-term partners
• Parents who lose a child 
• Adult children who lose a parent 
• Siblings and close family members 
• Caregivers

Even if they don’t fall into the categories above, others dealing with significant life changes after a death may also experience secondary losses. This includes those who need to relocate, manage finances alone, return to work quickly or shoulder new family responsibilities.

It’s important to understand that everyone experiences grief differently and the same applies to secondary loss. There is no “right” way to grieve.

How you experience secondary loss will vary depending on your relationship with your loved one who passed, the circumstances of their death and other particulars of your personal situation. 

Coping with Secondary Loss in Grief 

Simply recognizing that there are multiple layers to grief and that experiencing secondary loss is normal may help you cope more effectively.

Coping with secondary loss in grief may also include:

• Identifying and acknowledging secondary losses rather than dismissing them 
• Giving yourself permission to grieve these practical, emotional and identity-related losses 
• Seeking support from friends and family, grief support groups and counselors 
• Gradually establishing new routines, habits and traditions while honoring your loved one
• Recognizing there is no timeline for healing and normalizing new feelings of grief as they arise 
• Adapting to the changes in your life without feeling pressure to move on or feel “normal”
• Helping those around you understand that grief also involves changes that come after a loved one’s passing 

Let Our Bereavement Care Team at 3HC Help You Manage Grief

We understand how challenging grieving can be when you’re experiencing the secondary losses that often follow a loved one’s death. These losses can make grief feel even more complex and cause healing to take longer than you expect.

Our Bereavement Care Team at 3HC can help. We offer bereavement support groups, individual support and other grief resources to help families and friends navigate the grieving process.

We’re committed to helping you find healthy ways to cope with your loss and move forward at a pace that feels right for you. We encourage you to get in touch with us to learn more about our grief care services.