By WINKIE LEE
The Goldsboro News-Argus

August 9, 2002 Source: Goldsboro News-Argus

GOLDSBORO, N.C. _ One resident asked for help in accepting Christianity. Another smiled at the minister and said she could hardly wait for death. "God is good!" she proclaimed.

Both were residents at the Kitty Askins Hospice Center and were being visited by Home Health and Hospice Care's (3HC's) spiritual consultant, the Rev. Jerry Mitchell.

To be accepted as a resident at Kitty Askins, a person has to be in the last six months of life. Hospice also tends to the dying in their homes.

Ministering to the dying often means ministering to the families, Mitchell says. Often, by the time a person is close to the end of his life, he has "come to grips with his mortality and made peace with the Lord. It is the family who needs help getting through this."

The questions families ask most often deal with why their loved one is dying and how long he has to live. The second question is not one he can answer, Mitchell says. How the first question is handled depends on where the family member is in his or her spiritual life.

"The first thing I do is make sure that person does not feel guilty for asking why, and to understand that, we may not get the answer, but it's OK to ask," he says. "We can talk about why and ask God why. He's a big God. You can ask Him anything you want to. He wants you to reach out to Him." Doing so acknowledges that a person believes in God, Mitchell adds.

There are people who have seen miracles and they may be looking for another one in the form of their loved one being healed, he says. But, God not only heals through making a person well, He heals through death. Death "is the only way one can get to Heaven," Mitchell says, and it brings relief to a person who has been suffering.

Mitchell has found that there are family members who can understand why their loved one is dying but who can't accept it, and there are those who are seeking answers. As a Hospice chaplain, he listens to them and allows them to find their way.

Mitchell, who has been with 3HC for about five months, has also dealt with the dying and their families through his ministry. He is the pastor at Garris Chapel United Methodist Church. His first time dealt with a family whose 19-year-old son was dying. "I had a 19-year-old son myself," he says. "I said to my wife, 'If I get through this, I will know God has called me to be a pastor.'" After the funeral, he realized this was the field in which he should serve.

Mitchell has a bachelor's degree in psychology, a completed course of study degree from Duke Divinity School, and has taken a seminar on death and dying. In addition to his church ministry and Hospice chaplaincy, he provides grief counseling for a funeral home in LaGrange.

He says that, though giving sermons and conducting weddings are fun, more is learned at a person's death bed than anywhere else. "I've held patients' hands as they have died," he says. These have included aunts and uncles of his.

Death "is a holy moment," he says. "It is that time when someone goes from this life to the next. I consider it a most honored and most privileged position I can be in, that moment when I can be with the family to represent spirituality. It is a sacred moment for that family. To be included . . . that is where the honor and privilege come in."

As a Hospice chaplain, Mitchell does not push his beliefs on a patient. Instead, he is there to listen and help when asked. Hospice patients can choose to see him or not. Mitchell has found that, even if patients have their own ministers, they often welcome his visits.

Having a chaplain fulfills one of the Hospice program's four components, says Jean Lee, senior vice-president of operations. Those components are medical, social, emotional and spiritual. "Most of the time, when a person nears the end of life, their spiritual needs are heightened," she says. "For us, it is important that we be there to meet the needs of the patient and family."

For more information about Hospice programs of 3HC write to 3HC Hospice, attention: